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She put me out of my misery by standing up to shake my hand, and then suggested that we move to the bar off the lobby, where we could talk. I gathered what few wits I still had about me – those that were still left after her touch on my hand drove most of the remaining intelligent thoughts that I still had right out of my head – and followed her into the bar. Only two minutes into our first meeting, and this was not going at all as I had expected. I had underestimated the power of my fantasies, and the effect of confronting them head-on. I barely noticed the barmaid who took our drink orders. The conversation started awkwardly. But within ten minutes, I was relaxed and enjoying myself. She had a way about her – simple, direct, and unaffected. We exchanged stories about the restaurant that she managed, and the projects that I’d been involved in, laughing together at people and things. We shared experiences about raising children, some hilarious and others not so at. This proved an exercise in silliness.For one thing, various assorted conspiracy theorists and websites were reporting that I was now dead, after suffering an aneurysm, and that the CIA had managed to clone me and were controlling me. At the same time, several of the cable channels played the movie Dave, where Kevin Kline played both a ruthless and corrupt President and his doppelganger, a mild-mannered owner of a temp agency who moonlighted doing impersonations for local ad agencies and TV stations and was hired by the Chief of Staff to fill in for the President when he suffered a stroke. Hilarity and drama ensue, and Dave Kovic, the impersonator, ends up making out with Sigourney Weaver, which isn’t all that bad a deal when you think about it.I simply went out to the podium, thanked everybody for their concern and prayers, and repeated Mark Twain’s line about ‘the reports of my death have been greatly exaggerated.’ I also told them that my name really was Carl Buckman, and not Dave.
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